Okay, so I'm struggling through this particular chapter of my life.
Shortly after coming home from our trip I discovered I was expecting our 5th child. Yes, it came as a surprise because we never plan these things, but more specifically because we were not counting on me getting pregnant this soon. Besides, we were just starting to get into the rhythm of things, and really enjoying life as a family. Brighteyes turned 2 this year and she is so much more "fun" to be around - interacting with us more, and the rest of the children enjoy her so much more, as well. Schooling has been more manageable because we got into a routine which we had been able to adhere to quite well. Yes, things were all fine and dandy. Until recently.
Actually, I hope nobody mistakenly thinks I am not open to life at this stage. I love babies and I would love to have more, but it's the whole pregnancy thing that I struggle so much with, and it has always been the case with all my pregnancies. Nine months is such a long time and I find it all quite limiting - what with the morning sickness, the emotional roller coaster secondary to the upsurge of hormones, etc! Put it this way: I wouldn't like to be around me when I'm pregnant! (Ugh! My poor family indeed.) And what's more, I really don't look forward to not being able to do normal things at the level that I am usually able to. (Don't get me wrong, though - I'm not a control freak (Or am I??), but I like to be able to determine my own actions to a certain extent.)
The big question, however, is this: are these concerns justified? Probably not. I have already proven - numerous times - that when God calls, God equips; and I'd like to think that eventually, with God's grace, I'll be able to reach a certain level of abandonment requisite for me to get through all this. Further, I know that however long it may seem, it always comes to pass. Besides, at the end of it all, we will have another adorable, beautiful-smelling angel from Heaven! That alone makes it all worth it, as every mother would agree. So what am I still complaining about? I really don't know.
These days it's so funny when the kids, especially the younger ones, would ask me how big the baby is, a few times each day, as if it grows much bigger by the minute!! Also, as if hubby doesn't do enough around the house already (cleaning, laundry, ironing, washing, etc.), he has also taken on the task of doing the grocery shopping after work, especially because I cannot stand the different smells in the supermarket. It makes me run to the bathroom to vomit, and worse, it will give me a lingering headache for most of the day! Before hubby comes home he will usually call to find out if there is anything in particular I'd like to eat that he can get for me. Whenever I run to the bathroom to chuck, Roadrunner and little Brighteyes would usually follow me and I'd feel them massaging my back, while repeatedly asking me if I'm okay. Last night I felt a pinch in my heart when I heard Webster saying to his dad, "Dad, if Mom needs anything through the night, can you please wake me so I can get it for her?" Curlytop is always rubbing my tummy and talking to the baby. Once she asked me, "Mom, if I had a key to insert into your belly button, can I turn it to open your tummy so we can see the baby?" Haha! Isn't it just priceless? I can't wait to have this baby to give the family this gift of another little person to care for and love. At this early stage none of us can wait to meet this baby, God's 5th smile on our family.
Actually, come to think of it, these little things are starting to make this pregnancy a whole lot more bearable, not to mention enjoyable. In fact, I'm feeling rather spoiled by everybody around me! I realize now that in spite of all my worries, all unjustifiable at that, I am starting to open my eyes to the reality that this is going to be a journey that we will ALL be in - together, as a family. And what a gift, indeed.
On this occasion of Mother's Day, I just can't help thinking: I am clearly not worthy of these wonderful blessings, but they have been given to me freely, and purely from God's goodness. I will therefore choose to accept them all with a grateful and abandoned heart.
Intercessory prayer to Our Lady, Help of Mothers:
Powerful is your intercession with God, Mary, for you are his mother.
Tender , too, is your love for us, for you are our mother.
Confidently , then, I come to you as a child, poor and needy,
to seek your aid and protection.
In every trial of motherhood, I beg your aid.
For the grace of a happy delivery, I come to you.
For your holy assistance in guarding and directing
each tiny soul with which God entrusts me, I call to you.
In every sorrow that comes to me in my motherhood, I confide in you.
That I may have strength to bear cheerfully
all the pains and hardships of motherhood, I lean on you.
That the sweetness of motherhood
may not, through my neglect, be embittered in later years
by pains of regret, I trust in you.
That the will of God may always be fulfilled in me
through each act of my motherhood, little and great, I beg your aid.
Never forsake me dear Mother, my hope, my consolation,
my confidence, and my trust,
but ever be at my side to aid and protect me, your needy child.
Amen.
Mother of Love, of Sorrow, and of Mercy, Pray for us!
0 comments:
Post a Comment